A lot of interesting things have been happening in my personal life. I’ve felt so many different emotions over the past few months and I’m absolutely loving it. Happiness has been one of the things I’ve felt. I think that’s because I don’t have everything I’d like to have at the moment, but I have a lot to be grateful for. I have amazing people that love and accept me as I am, I’m beautiful, I’m healthy, I love my home and I get to wake up every morning and just be me. My ancestors are working hard and I’m eternally grateful to them.
I want to talk about happiness today. Being happy is something we all strive for. Sometimes life gets in the way of that happiness. You’re doing so well, living your best life and then you meet a Fuckboy who manipulates you. It fucks with your spirit and your self esteem. Or maybe your manager promised you a couple of months ago that if you just deliver on this really stressful project he will promote you. And then he doesn’t. It all leads to a downward spiral of sadness and woe.
Life is shit. Why do people suck? Why can’t I just be happy?
First, understand that being happy requires consistent actions daily. It’s like working out. You’ve got to find what works for you and do it consistently. When we feel down, there’s the tendency to just want to stay indoors and do nothing. The trick is to do these things even more when you feel down. Here are a couple of my tips for being happy.
- Exercise. Exercise not mainly to look good but to feel good. It doesn’t have to be the gym. It can be a nice walk in the park daily. I like to swim. I do it at least once a week. When I stopped thinking of exercise only as a way to look good, I felt a lot better doing it. It wasn’t a chore anymore. I was feeding myself with happiness.
- Eat well most of the time. When you eat crappy, unhealthy food all the time that affects your mood. That’s certainly the case for me anyway. It’s important not to limit yourself so I do enjoy a cheeky Chinese takeaway, KFC and a tub of ice cream every now and then. I just don’t do it everyday. I’ve also found ways to make all my favorite Nigerian dishes in a healthier way. Baked plantain instead of fried. Jollof bulgur and quinoa instead of rice.
- Get a hobby or multiple hobbies. It can be painting, writing, yoga, whatever. Just find something you enjoy that gives you a sense of satisfaction. If you can get a hobby that’s physical like boxing that’s a double whammy because you’re doing something you love and exercising.
- Be ruthless with your circle. Try as much as possible in your personal life to surround yourself only with people that love and encourage you on your journey to living your best life. This is especially key for empaths. The people you have around you can affect your mental health. Ask yourself “Are you tripping or just surrounded by assholes?” It’s also important because in your professional life you will have to work with assholes. The last thing you need is to be dealing with assholes in your personal life. Use your block button wisely.
- Be kind to yourself. Tell yourself at least one thing you love about yourself everyday. “I really like the way my eyebrows look today. My makeup skills are on point!” “I really like the way I’ve put together this outfit. I’ve got great style.” Tell yourself all the things you are grateful for every morning. It doesn’t matter how little it is. You can also write it in a journal so that when you are feeling down, you can refer back to it.
- Forgive yourself. Learn to see your mistakes as stepping stones to becoming a better person. Learn from your mistakes and don’t only see them as failures. Don’t dwell on things, just keep it moving. Own your mistakes and take responsibility for them. If you wrong people, apologize. They don’t have to forgive you but it might bring them healing. When you are more forgiving of yourself, you will find it easier to forgive others and accept them as they are.
- Treat people as you would like to be treated. When you are kind to people, you feel joy and peace. Unless you’re a sociopath or narcissist, in that case seek help ASAP. Don’t do things to people you wouldn’t want them to do to you. It’s very simple, start practicing it today!
- Be vain as fuck. Take selfies, do photo shoots, take raunchy photos of yourself. Dress up, put some makeup on and a nice dress or lingerie. Or wear nothing at all and snap away. Do not obsess over your rolls in the pictures! Look at the pictures and tell yourself “I am beautiful as I am.” Repeat as many times as needed until you believe it strongly.
- Always stand up for yourself and enforce your boundaries. People will come into your life and they will want to make you feel bad about yourself and bring you down. You tell them to fuck right off. When someone is treating you badly, even just saying “I don’t accept this, I’d like you to stop doing this.” can be empowering. If they don’t stop, cut them out of your life if you can. If you have to work with this person, consider raising it with the right channels or find ways to limit your contact with them. When you stand up for yourself, you respect yourself more.
- Don’t take anything personally. I got this from reading a book called The Four Agreements. My mentor suggested I read it and I highly recommend you all do too. Basically, most of the time people’s fuckery has very little to do with you. The Fuckboy that lied and slept around on you didn’t do it because you were a horrible harpie. Maybe he has mummy or abandonment issues and it’s manifested through fuckery. Who knows? It doesn’t matter and you shouldn’t care.
Lastly, understand that happiness is a journey. Like with any journey, there will be ups and downs. No one is happy all the time. You have to understand sadness as well. Sometimes people are sad and they don’t even know it. Then they act out in destructive ways, all because they can’t confront their pain. When you understand why you are hurt, when you don’t run away from it, you can figure out what to do about it.
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou