**This post is for women who think it’s unfair having to be responsible for most of the household chores and child rearing responsibilities because that is a lot of unpaid Labor. The women who are wondering “Why won’t he do more around the house?” The ones that are growing resentful of it. If you love primarily being in charge of these responsibilities, this post is not for you.
It is 2017 and women are still doing more of the household chores. Even in situations where both parents are working, women still generally do most of the household chores. Some men also seem to overestimate their contributions in terms of household chores and child care. You’ll talk to a man and he’ll say child rearing and household chore responsibilities are totally equal between him and his partner. You talk to the woman however and you hear a completely different story. Some women graciously say “He’s good with helping out around the house” but when you ask them a few questions you quickly realise things aren’t remotely equal at all. Or they say “Compared to other men he’s alright.”
Fuckboys love acting like “they’re just clueless about all this house stuff” because it means they get a whole bunch of shit they’d have to pay someone else to do all for free! What a jolly time! Someone to cook for him, clean up after him, wash his dishes, do his laundry and even read him a bedtime story. Fuckboys are not actually appreciative of these efforts. If they were you probably wouldn’t be doing most of it in the first place. If you complain that he’s not pulling his weight you might get hit with:
“I didn’t ask you to do it. You don’t have to do it.” And yet he never stops you from doing it. If you stop doing it he will notice. He might even get upset.
“It’s not that hard.” And yet he can’t seem to do it himself when you live together. Strange.
“I don’t really care about this stuff.” He doesn’t care about not living in a dump? Do not breed with this person!
Or my personal favourite “Traditionally it’s the woman’s job to look after the house/her man.” Traditionally it’s your job to go hunting and get us food but yet here we are.
Sometimes women think “But I’m a stay at home mother and he brings home the money it’s only fair I look after the house.”
Wrong! Being a stay at home mother is a full time job. The amount of work that goes into looking after children is quite frankly exhausting. A high achieving colleague at a company I used to work for came back from being on leave for a week. I asked what she spent her time doing. She said she was with her kids mostly and I made a comment on how relaxing that must have been. She said and I quote:
“Oh no, my kids are more exhausting than my job.”
And I believe her. One of the biggest scams society has pulled off is making many view being a stay at home mother as “easy” when nothing could be further from the truth. You are both working even if you are a stay at home mother. In fact your job is more demanding because when he comes home he can switch off if he chooses to do so. You on the other hand can’t switch off from being a mother. Meal prep, grocery shopping, making sure the kids get to school on time, planning play dates, cleaning the house, doing laundry… aren’t you exhausted just reading this?
There are men that don’t know how to do chores but are willing, learning, making genuine progress and are grateful for you having the patience to teach them. These are the men that don’t just sit on their ass watching TV while you slave away in the kitchen all the time. Because they are actually uncomfortable with the imbalance they come to the kitchen and ask you:
“What can I do?”
And they actually pay attention, learn and thank you for it. And then one beautiful day you won’t need to tell them what to do. They recognise that teaching them these basic life skills is a gift and not something they are entitled to. You can be patient with those types but remember actions speak louder than words. If he’s always “trying” and months down the line there’s no progress you could just be dealing with a Fuckboy who is taking advantage of your patience.
If your man wants you to be a stay at home mother and be completely responsible for the house then he could pay up for that. A weekly or monthly stipend separate from the money used to run the home is a fair option. That “salary” should be yours to do as you see fit. He can’t afford to pay you? Maybe someone needs to roll up their sleeves when they get home.